You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
