You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I cut my penus on the lid.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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