dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
