and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
