Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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