btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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