I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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