I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
