she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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