She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
