So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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