i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
