It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
