Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
