last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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