I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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