3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
