So drunk, too bad you don't want this
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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