That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
