You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
