i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So vagazzling was a success
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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