I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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