so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
