TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
