Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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