My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Randomize
