i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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