also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
