Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
