I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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