Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
