Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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