the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
