I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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