I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
