Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
