Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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