No stitches, just platelets and will power
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
did i just pee glitter
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
