the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
