If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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