Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
All I want is dick and wine.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
