I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
