I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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