Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
