Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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