Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
