John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
