I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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