i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
