i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
