Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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