Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
