Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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