where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
