So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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