I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
