So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
